if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
