This dress was meant to end up on your floor
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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