i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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