laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
