Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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