Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
