I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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