K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
