When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
