my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My dick has a subreddit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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