yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
