it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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