i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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