Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
