This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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