this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
