Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
