You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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