I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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