So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
