Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
