Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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