there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize