it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
