took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize