Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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