can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
