yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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