He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
