I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
