Can i not drive my cunt home
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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