And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
