dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
