Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
