Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
