i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
