nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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