ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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