fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
