guys are not supposed to queef...right?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think people are normalizing furries
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
