u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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