I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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