speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
