I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
