omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
