1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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