Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
