i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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