i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
