Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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