i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
