If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His hands were made for my vagina.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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