im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
