I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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