Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
