puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
