i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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