i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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