but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
