in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm like, not good at living.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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