they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
