The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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