pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
