you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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