i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
