First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
