new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
