i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
