the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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